The Manifesto of the Privately Orthodox and the Publicly Secular Liberal

[Note – this is meant as a parody. AIWAC]

We, the undersigned, who privately keep halacha for whatever reason but genuinely and forthrightly swear on the Bible of Kant, Rawls & co, hereby resolve the following:

Resolved:

That Liberalism is the Sole Legitimate Philosophy of the 21st century. Only opinions expressed in its framework are to be considered moral or even worth considering. There is no other strain of thought (Conservative thought, for instance). Rabbis and halacha must adapt Enlightened Liberal Opinion wholesale, or wither on the vine.

Resolved:

That Orthodox Jews must not only recognize the fact that they are a minority among Jews, but they should accept that this fact is a desired state of affairs. Orthodox Jews must cease believing, Heaven forbid (if there is one), that their non-Orthodox brethren are somehow ‘wrong’ in their conduct as Jews.

In fact, there is no such thing as ‘wrong Jewish conduct’. Jews did a million and one things in the past that didn’t receive Rabbinic approval, and the same is true today. Jews can and should do whatever they want without fear of negative consequences or communal rebuke. This includes intermarriage, BTW.

Repeat after me (three times, seven if you’re a frum liberal):

‘Judaism is whatever Jews do’

Resolved:

That there is no such thing as a necessary Jewish belief or opinion. The fact that there was a multiplicity of opinions regarding beliefs and practice in the past among Jews means that ALL beliefs and practices, or lack thereof, are permitted. Even atheism and wholesale gutting of halacha are within Judaism’s legitimate purview.

Resolved:

That the proper solution to the discrimination of women in halacha and Orthodox life is the complete feminization of sources and female takeover of Orthodox Jewish communal space. This includes wholesale bashing of all non-PC halachic authorities and religious men in general.

Not only that, but all the presently accepted non-traditional arrangements for marriage including voluntary single motherhood, divorce-for-no-good-reason and so on should not be bemoaned but celebrated.

The mean men don’t like it? Screw ’em (not literally, of course).

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About AIWAC

Hi, my name is Avi Woolf. I'm an American-Israeli MO Jew living in Israel. I have a background in Israeli (as in Land of Israel) and Jewish History and an insatiable need for knowledge. I also have professional experience as an editor, translator and indexer. Enjoy the ride! If you are interested in using my services or just want to drop me a line, contact me at: opdycke1861NOSPAM@yahoo.com
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