Back on my old blog, I wrote a frustration-filled rant about how Orthodox society is obsessed with sex, its suppression and enforcing its nature as a taboo. In response to a number of comments, I tried to flesh out some further thoughts on the subject.
It would appear that this is still a problem. Recently two articles came out about the lack of proper sexual education for Orthodox Jews who are about to get married. What are they taught? The importance of sex for maintaining and enhancing a marital relationship? Sex as communication in which both sides try to please each other?
Nnnnnope. There’s mostly the long checklist – this is assur, that’s assur, don’t try this, don’t even think of that and so forth. Talk about taking the fun out of one of the most enjoyable acts in life. No wonder Orthodox Jews are so anxious about sex – one of the most positive experiences has been turned into a miserable minefield of dos and donts – mostly donts. Yes, it’s true that there are girls who break the rules and learn this for themselves, but that just means that it’s the “good girls” who get screwed over in this department, no pun intended.
Obviously, sex, even great sex, cannot be the foundation on which a marriage rests. Love, companionship and common goals are just as important. However, it is one of the more important and enjoyable aspects of such a relationship. It would behoove us as Orthodox Jews, who care so deeply about the maintenance of marriage, to stop treating this issue as nothing more than an issur list and start investing in it as a positive method of marital communication.